An Honorable Release

By the time I'm posting this, I'll have been home from my full-time mission for about two weeks. I had debated creating another blog. I read some of the comments y'all had left on my last post, and I felt an overwhelming sense of support. I cannot believe so many of you read my posts for a year and a half, kept up with me, even appreciated something I said -- the fact that Heavenly Father allowed for any of that absolutely astonishes me. So, here is a thank you. And here is also the beginning of a new blog.


Returned missionary life is weird. Those who flew home with me can attest that "weird" was the only word I said for forty-eight hours. It hasn't changed in two weeks. I've visited a college campus, connected with old friends, listened to Fall Out Boy, worn pants, obtained a smart phone. All very, very weird things.

I remember sitting across from my Stake President in Colorado. It was a dry, spring afternoon. I was still trying to adjust to the sudden change from lush green to decaying brown scenery. I hadn't quite processed that less than an hour prior I'd hugged my Mom and Grandmother. It didn't feel real. 

Smiling, my Stake President said, "You know what's even better than being a missionary?" 

I wanted to reply, "Being Captain Moroni?" But I restrained myself and, to my surprise, my Stake President said, "Being a returned missionary."

I've thought about that quite a bit since I've been home. I'm a long, long way away from being fully adjusted. I'm terrible at responding to text messages; I haven't been able to bring myself to watching Netflix; my first name sounds as foreign to me as Chinese does. There is plenty I have not fully accepted about being home, but that's not really what it's about, is it?

Elder M. Russell Ballard, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave an address to the world in an event that we Latter-day Saints call General Conference. It was entitled, "To Whom Shall We Go?" A wonderful sister taught about this to us in Relief Society on Sunday, and I've since added it to my personal study and had the opportunity to ponder it. 

The address was inspired from the story told in John 6 when many of Christ's disciples decided no longer to walk with Him because they found His teachings too difficult to accept. Jesus then turns to the Twelve Apostles and says, "Will ye also go away?"

But Peter, ever resilient, replies, "Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the Living God."

Elder Ballard continues on to address those whose faith might be faltering, to those who might be experiencing doubt, and who might be questioning all there is to know in the Restored Gospel. He then asks a series of inspired, soul-searching questions about where we would go to find the answers to our questions about the Savior, where we would find a church structure like that of old, and where we would go to learn of God's plan of salvation. 

While I am not currently faltering in my faith, the points he made resonated with me as I pondered on the habits that I would soon develop as a side effect of being home. It is no longer a commandment that I arise at 6:30, so the temptation to sleep in will creep into my mind. I no longer have a structured morning schedule, and it is acceptable to do my scripture study at night, and the temptation to put off studying will flicker in and out of my thoughts. There are many things than can affect the returned missionary, and if we let go of those precious things we learned on our missions, we may find ourselves asking if we should stick to the gospel at all. 

So, I have asked myself the question, "To whom will you go, Maddy?" In a time of need, will you go to Facebook rather than your knees? When a question of the soul arises, will you be quick to Google it or will you seek out the answers in scripture study? When the throng of friends and studies comes rushing into your life, will you seek to keep the Sabbath day holy or allow other distractions to taint the Lord's day? When you need to change, will you seek out repentance or some other means? 

There are still things I do not understand about the Restored Gospel, but that's what makes it so great, isn't it? Elder Ballard says, "Never abandon the great truths revealed through the Prophet Joseph Smith. Never stop reading, pondering, and applying the doctrine of Christ contained in the Book of Mormon." 

My mission prepared me for the greater challenges and blessings ahead. I am grateful to have been able to fully consecrate my life unto the Lord for eighteen months. He taught me so many things, and I know that won't stop. Revelation never stops. There will be storms, but I will always remember that I am not alone on my ship. The Savior is with me as He was on my mission. He calmed those storms; He can certainly calm the ones that will come my way now. 

Do not forget what you've learned. Most importantly, do not forget what you have felt. Remember Christ. Remember who He is and what He does for you. As we read in Helaman 5: 

O, remember, remember my sons, the words which king Benjamin spake unto his people; yea, remember that there is no other way nor means whereby man can be saved, on through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ, who shall come; yea, remember that he cometh to redeem the world (9). 

I hope to have many adventures with those who choose to read this blog. I hope to seek the Spirit and Christ's light as I write and post. We are all missionaries in our own respects. We were all sent here on missions, were we not? Let us all be able to one day return with honor. 

To whom will you go?

Have a good week!