When You're Doing It Your Way

As of Saturday, it’s officially been one month since I set foot into the civilian world. That’s been difficult to wrap my head around. I certainly feel different than I did when I stepped off the plane,

but it’s been good, positive feelings. I am on an upward climb, even if I might be hanging off the edge now and again.

Sometimes when I think about the future, I imagine myself standing atop the current month, staring down at the rest of the year. Right now, I’m teetering between April and May, leaning as far forward as possible to peer down at August. It’s closer than it was in March, and definitely closer than it was in January. I can almost make out the outlines of the letters now—but it’s still far away, right?

I head back to school come August. That reality seems far too distant, even though most of my friends are beginning their spring terms. The idea of going back to the world of studying, loans, and life on my own feels too surreal for my still-adjusting mind, especially since a year ago the prospect of that future seemed impossible.

I put a lot of prayer and thought into where I would find myself in August. The signs I had originally been following changed somewhere along the road. Heavenly Father took me through a detour, and I found myself stopped at a crossroads of opportunity—opportunities I did and didn’t want. I began taking exits here and there, following road signs for what I thought was best, and praying about it along the way. I encountered plenty of traffic jams, closed exits, and U-turns as I went. My focus wasn’t always on where I was going; I was praying about it at a time when I didn’t feel like my college life was important; the salvation of souls rested on my shoulders, and praying about my mundane problems paled in comparison to helping others come closer to Christ.

Stop there for a moment and fast-forward to today when I’m sitting on a couch with the sister missionaries, talking to a man flicking his gaze between the three of us. He pushed one finger into his temple as he rested his elbow on his chair’s armrest, scrolling through the scriptures on his phone. After delivering a spiel about prayer, we were sitting in silence, letting his mind whirr and reel as the Spirit touched his thoughts.

“That’s what I don’t get,” he finally said, looking up at us. “Why does God make us wait and have us continue thinking about our prayers when again and again in the scriptures we read to cast all of our burdens on Him?”

The three of us exchanged glances. More silence ensued as we thought. He was right; throughout the scriptures, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ always ask us to cast our worries upon Them. If we took that at face-value, it would—in theory—be Their job to take our problems away from us and carry them, that we were to receive our solutions immediately because They Would Take Care of It. But, I knew that wasn’t always how this worked. In fact, rarely was that how this worked.

I attempted to articulate my thoughts in a linear way, trying to arrive at some conclusion that would answer him and make sense. The Spirit had prompted me to open my mouth, and certainly it was filled. But what I had to say did not compare to Sister Stacey’s next sentence.

With a thoughtful look on her face, she said, “Casting our burdens upon the Lord is us agreeing to do things His way.”

Her voice echoed in my mind for the rest of the lesson, and continued to do so as I pulled away from the man’s house and drove home. How was it that giving my problems and voicing my concerns to my Heavenly Father acted as a way for me to align my will with His?

Prayer is a mighty act of the Atonement. In the Bible Dictionary under Atonement, we read, “The word describes the setting ‘at one’ of those who have been estranged and denotes the reconciliation of man to God.” When we come to our Father with a sincere heart, seeking to voice the desires of our hearts to Him, we are unlocking all different aspects of the Savior’s sacrifice. We are choosing to align ourselves with God by telling Him what we need, and making room in our hearts and minds for what He needs us to do. That is when He can begin to carry us, when we may sometimes feel the weight lifted off our shoulders, when we receive comfort through the Holy Ghost. It is this act that accesses both the redeeming and the enabling powers of the Atonement.

I reflected on my crossroads again, when I had finally come to two signs—an exit for Utah and an exit for Virginia. Both options were about college, where I would go, and what I would be doing. I wanted what I thought was best for me. I wanted something that made complete sense to me upfront, but the closer I had gotten to these exits the more apparent it was that I needed to make another decision—and it would be hard.

In prayer, I have voiced these concerns to my Heavenly Father. I have told him how angry and

frustrated I am, how unsure and almost heartbroken I feel. He understands. He always has, and He’s expected this. One of the hardest things for us to do in this life is know what God’s will is, and where He would have us go and what He would have us do—but doing that is always worth it. There has not been a single time I have followed God’s will and regretted it. It is when I finally decide to do what He wants me to do that I feel lighter, that my burdens are slowly lifted from my shoulders and I am able to move forward with unshaken faith.

It will always be hard, brothers and sisters. But you will not regret it.

Let’s do things His way this week.

See y’all next week!