Choosing Happiness

I think one of life’s greatest tasks is to enjoy the little things. Right now, I’m sitting on a naked bed waiting for the washer to relinquish my sheets. I’m comfortable in my favorite outfit. Just over the top of my laptop screen I see my crowded bookshelves and my mission plaque; my collection of vinyl records and my favorite illustration of Jesus Christ.

My sizeable Bluetooth headphones also just fell from their spot on my bed frame. That was terrifying.

I’m learning to live in the moment and relish in the experiences I have now. That was something my mission taught me. I remember looking up at the vast Louisiana sky one day. There were no mountains to cover the view. I could pick out every detail of feathering clouds, and I wasn’t sure if there was a hue on the color spectrum that could perfectly emulate the blue of the sky. As I had been at the end of my mission at that point, I was taken back to when I’d first arrived in Mississippi. My trainer and I were biking. I was still getting used to maneuvering a bike in a skirt. As we traveled, I found some time to look up. The expanse of the sky boggled my mind. The sky was not this big in Colorado. The opportunities certainly weren’t either.

I think about my mission every day. There was a member I’d had the privilege of eating dinner with a time or two. He was married, had a rather involved calling, two kids, and a laborious job. Every time we came over, he asked about our mission in comparison to his. He professed that he thought about his mission every single day since he was released. I want to be like that.

I’ve had to think about why it’s like that. What is it about serving a full-time mission that it seems to go with us everywhere?

For me, my mission is what changed me. I met people and went places that caused me to grow beforehand, yes, but nothing pushed me like serving the Lord full-time did. I found out who I was. I became comfortable not only in my own skin, but in my own soul. I had the opportunity to overcome immense trials that had affected me before my mission but walking with Christ, side-by-side everyday allowed me to climb those mountains with strength I never had before. In not so many words, my mission is what made me happy.

And now, as I sit on my plain bed, alone, without a companion, wearing pants, listening to music that would not be appropriate for sacrament meeting, I’m seeing how He still walks with me. I am still happy.

Regardless of whether you’ve served a mission or not, we all have to one day recognize the Savior’s presence in our lives and choose to be happy because of it. I won’t believe that Christ was ever not as close to me as He was when I wore His name over my heart. I believe I held Him at arm’s length beforehand. He was over there, and I could still touch Him but He was not an integral part of my life. I read my scriptures. I said my prayers. I partook of the sacrament. I was doing things that drew Him nearer to me. I was not happy.

My mission taught me to draw closer to Him. It taught me how to find and create happiness. I can wrap my hands around His arm now. We take steps together. Our gait is not out of sync. I’m learning that He helps me not just with opening my mouth to others about the gospel, but also with talking to boys, making friends, lending service to another, choosing a job. These aren’t necessarily things that will matter in the eternities, but they matter to me right now—so they matter to Him. He wants me to be happy.

This morning I was reading in The Book of Mormon. In the Book of Mosiah, there’s this king named King Benjamin. He’s one of the most righteous people in this entire book. He knows he’s about to die, and he feels impressed to address his people from a tower. He covers a vast array of topics, but the Spirit impressed me with a thought as I read these verses:

“For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

And behold, even at this time ye have been calling on his name and begging for a remission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his Spirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with joy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy (Mosiah 4:19-20).”

Now, right here King Benjamin is referring to serving the poor and needy. We are, of course, to render help to those in need. But, I did some more searching in these words and the Spirit taught me something.

We are all trying to make it to the same celestial goal. We all want to live with our Father in Heaven. That’s a choice every single one of us made before this life. That includes even those who don’t know about God. We are all depending on Him. We are all seeking after His help. He is the one who gives us everything every day. He is the one who grants us forgiveness. He is the one that changes us.

My unhappiness came from the idea that I was racing everyone to get to that goal. I had to be happier than everyone else. I had to have the right things, go to the right places, be the right person—as long as that person was slightly better than everyone else. I thought that’s what Heavenly Father wanted for me. But, that is not what the Atonement is for. That is not what eternal happiness is.

Our joy comes from Jesus Christ. The eternal kind, not the kind you feel when you buy some ice cream. Have you noticed this in your life? An obvious question, I’m sure, but when was the last time you felt inexplicable joy?

Our experiences, our failures, our successes, our losses, our gains—these are all meant to bring us joy. That’s all He wants for us. It sometimes takes an immense the effort on our part to come closer to Him. I tend to have this problem where I don’t allow myself to feel happiness in the moment, or even at all. But, Heavenly Father wants us to feel it. He wants us to relish in those moments and seek after that joy in the eternities. He’s given us everything we need to do in order to do that.

Are you feeling joy, brothers and sisters?

Don’t deny yourself the most heavenly of blessings.

I hope y’all have a good week. 

photo credit to unsplash